Ha-llo people of the Internets. How are you today? Are you doing fine? Yes? Thank God. Oh how am I doing? How am I doing? Oh I’m doing great except for the part that I BURNT MA FACE!
Let’s start from the top. I had the flu yeah? And man, that virus was from the aliens because I had NEvER experienced a flu that traumatic in my life! Okay, maybe I have. But still.
I had tried everything, I’m telling you. Ibuprofen, lemon and honey, lidocaine, drinking lots of fluids, scotch bonnet peppers, everything.
So I decided to try something else. There’s this camphor-based substance that dropped from the heavens and arrived in Nigeria and it has been a national heirloom ever since. Brothers and sistren, it is called ROBB.
But ROBB ti dagba o (Robb has grown)! Now there’s a new one! This one is also called Robb, but it is spiced with the bitterness of your enemies. This stuff is STRONG. And it’s easy to mix them up so I took the strong one instead of the normal one.
Now back to my story, I added the Robb to boiling water and was inhaling the vapors and mmmm, I experienced relief immediately. Glory to God. However, it cooled down after a while and (this when the unfortunate part began) I put it in the microwave.
For too long.
I took it out of the microwave.
I was inhaling it and then…
SPLAKKAKKAIIBOOOOOOMMMMMMM KAI all over the kitchen and onto my face.
You know how kids do that volcano science project in school? The one with baking powder and vinegar? Yeah, this one is more traumatizing. Robb + hot water + microwave. Do that instead, kids. You’ll graduate with distinction immediately.
Fast forward to now, my face is darker in some places due to the burnt skin but some parts of it are flaking off! Yay! (Okay fine I’ve been picking at it. I’m weird. Sorry).
Thing is, I had the opportunity to use my exquisite and beautiful L’Oreal True Match Foundation but I was like ‘Let’s just try going au naturel for a bit. Let’s just see what happens’.
And yall, NOTHING HAPPENED. Children didn’t point to me and cry. Dogs didn’t bark at me and try to bite me. In fact, some people even smiled at me (you know those random people that just smile like dat). It felt great! Nobody noticed anything! It was all good fam!
At the end of the day, one of my friends finally asked ‘What happened to your face?’
It was at that point that I knew I had been surrounded by liars all this time.
ATI “WHAT HAPPENED TO MA FACE?” Kai. My other friend, *Wanda, is just so glorious. You could tell she was trying so hard not to freak out.
Anyway sha, I’m definitely wearing make-up tomorrow. And not because of this, but because I’m going to watch Black Panther tomorrow and I cannot enter Wakanda looking less than my best because I mean, I just can’t. If it was something like ‘Shape of Water’, eh hen. That one, I wouldn’t even comb my hair for.
But for realz, this short little experience has reminded me of the meaning of beauty. Sometimes we want to feel beautiful. You know why? We want to be seen. We want to be seen as remarkable. It’s nice when you walk down the road and someone goes ‘Oh who’s that?’ And I don’t just mean when it comes to the opposite sex. I think sometimes it’s nice to be noticed, but not for ‘flaws’. Nobody wants to walk down the road and then have somebody do a double take on them because of their ‘ugliness’.
So this hot water incident taught me about how I see people. So many times we only see one side of people. So we tend to hope that people will think we’re pretty because we’re hoping that the one side people see of us is something they can appreciate.
[Oooooh child. Das a deep one. Das a deep one.]
But deepness aside, there’s still scalded skin on ma face y’alls. But there’s nothing I can do about it. And it’s not that bad AT ALL. Like, I’m just being straight dramatic here.
The point is, yes I would like to feel beautiful but guess what?
I am. *Attempts to pout sexily*
But no, my skin is not as smooth or unburnt as it was before. But it’s just like a natural tattoo you know? With hot water instead of ink. And besides, it will heal. God created ingenious restorative mechanisms in the skin.
Life happens. And so do many other things in this world.
I don’t want to be so focused on the one side people see of me that I forget to see other people – wholly – and to see everything else there is to see under this great blue sky.
There is beauty in me and there is beauty in the world.
And I will enjoy them both.
[*Not real name]